Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
