my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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