It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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