please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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