dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize