So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
why does every cop we meet know your name?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
