Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
