so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
