in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
