Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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