I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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