so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
