i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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