I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
