WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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