Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
