I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
