Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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