He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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