I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
