I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize