so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
