Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
