She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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