I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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