Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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