I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
