A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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