Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm too high and old for this...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
