i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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