just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
