I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
