And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
