I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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