Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
