It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
