If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
