someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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