you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
