please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
pray to the hookup gods
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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