i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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