Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
