I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
