My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
