Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
