Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
