Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize