I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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