What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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