hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
