Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
