I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
