Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This baby is an asshole
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
