I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
