Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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