Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So much rum. So many feels.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
