I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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