weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
