I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
