Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
