I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
