shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
