Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
