Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
