I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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