Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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