On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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