Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
