So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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