my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
