so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
