Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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