Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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