Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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