The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
