Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize